Take Your Daughter To Work Edition: The Shit Show
Volume 1 Issue 1
This morning was a shit show, literally. I arrived to discover garbage bags (containing Lil's dirty diapers) left accidentally from the previous Saturday. As I scurried down the sidewalk carrying my bags-o-poo, some unknown smelly substance leaked on to my foot. I deposited my bags of glory in the dumpster and raced back to the salon to spray Febreeze. Could not find the Febreeze, so I desperately grabbed a can of hairspray because, any port in a storm. I was in the midst of de-funking my shoe when Betty, my first client arrived. Crisis averted? Not remotely!
Later in the morning I'm working on Ginger, Leanne comes in and is having her face waxed. I'm drying Ginger’s hair with my new Dyson blow dryer (amazing😁) and Lil (Kelli’s one year old daughter) decides she is having none of it. She has worked her way, in her walker, into Kelli’s treatment room and is screaming her displeasure into poor Leanne's face, who is laying on Kelli's table. I try to help but to no avail. Kelli ends up having to shut her door. Lil screaming outside the treatment room door, me blow drying, Ginger on the phone to herson...Freya (the salon puppy) under my station, about 14"-24" from Ginger”s shoes begins to assume the position. Just then the bells ring at the front door.
Someone is at the front. Ginger, horrified by Frey’s activities, begins to shoo the puppy screeching, "POOP!" "POOP!" "THE PUPPY IS POOPING!" "THE PUPPY IS POOPING!" I say, "yep, she is" (I’m thinking I'm glad we have a cement floor) and run up to the front to greet Percy, our neighbor who lives in an apartment nearby, and the guy who found the cover for our porch light and returned it.
So, to recap: Kelli in her treatment room ripping off Leanne's face, puppy fully involved in taking a dookie 💩 at Ginger’s feet, Lillian in a full on scream, Ginger screeching about the poop to her son (who is still on the phone). I smile like I have all the time in the world and say “Hi!” To Percy, who offers to put up our porch light hood. I decline because I can't face bringing out the ladder in the middle of the melee. Instead I opt to do the only thing I could possibly do…give Percy the grand tour. 😳
Percy notices Lil's elevated emotional state and tries to help. Through earth shattering wails, Lil gives Percy a glare to end all glares. She clearly hates Percy...and all of us. I take this opportunity to surreptitiously clean up the poo with a Clorox wipe (good thing she’s not a Saint Barnard Puppy). Percy (a rite peach of a guy) is very interested in our trivia night, and I tell him we are planing a block party for the downtown apartment dwellers. Anyway, by the time it all calmed down, my calves were actually sweating! I'm contemplating a very large glass of wine right now!!!🍷sooo...I'm just here waiting for six...my last client no showed…yay?? 👹